So for those of you who cared enough to wonder where I went; sorry I haven't uploaded much lately. I've been totally swamped with Finals and Projects and a whole bunch of shit...

Most troubling has probably been the recent discovery that my grandmother probably has Parkinson's Disease. For a while the neurologists thought she was suffering from a stroke, but they couldn't understand why she wasn't getting better. The most recent one, however, looked at her eymptoms and ran a few tests, and he said she probably has Parkinson's. We're waiting for the final results, but... T.T

Now I know the woman is old, and all people have their time come one way or another, but my grandmother is one of the people who has influenced me most in my life. My father wasn't born in this country, and my mother was the Chinatown child of two immigrants. Needless to say, my childhood was littered with few precious hours spent with my exhausted parents as they tried too hard to help pay for a house shared by six adults and a kid. It wasn't cramped, as it was a decent sized house, but my parents were the main contributors to the bills and it was their name on the loans. My parents had no money for daycare, and no time to look after me. Subsequently, the duty fell to my grandmother.

My grandmother at that time was not the sickly person she is now. Back home she'd been a teacher, then a headmistress. She deemed me ready to learn as soon as I could speak, and told my mother that no grandchild of hers would cry at how spicy curry was. I knew how to spell beautiful by the time I was four, as well as do all the simple functions of math, grammar, and the names of all the animals she knew. I was assigned four meticulously handwritten pages of work every day, after which I would help grandpa in the backyard garden, read books, or watch television. Imagine, for a moment, an old woman with arthritis running after a girl of four with a broom for her misbehvior. This was the strength of my grandmother.

Without that first basic education, I'm pretty sure I woudln't have had the edge I needed to get into a specialized highschol. In my mind, grandmother was always a strong woman chasing after me with a broom. Do my homework, study hard. Over the years, however, I watched as her health deteriorated. Soon her hands and knees trembled too much for her to even make cook-up, let alone grind the grain for doll or beat the dough to make roti or pan. To watch her sit on the sofa breathing laborously for no apparent reason tore me apart. But no amount of doctors or pills could do anything. She just kept getting worse.

I don't believe in god, as half of you probably know, and, needless to say, the slow deterioration of this amazing woman's health isn't helping my view on the topic.

Anyhow, sorry for the long tribute. You probably don't want to hear it. ^.^;

Moving on... I feel like I haven't been on in forever. Actually, considering I'm usually on pretty regularly, it's been a bit of an eternity. Still, me not being on dA doesn't mean I wasn't working. I'll try to upload more if I find the time, which seems unlikely at the moment considering I have too many finals to count. T.T I seem to be holding my breath for summer, but it doesn't look like it'll be coming in time to save me... *sigh* I've always loved summer. Maybe the dark in me needs the light to balance me out. I seem to be much saner during the summer...

The Resolution by Jack's Mannequin

There's a lot that I don't know
There's a lot that I'm still learning
But I think I'm letting go
To find my body is still burning
And you hold me down
And you got me living in the past
Come on and pick me up
Somebody clear the wreckage from the blast

And I'm alive
And I don't need a witness
To know that I survived
I'm not looking for forgiveness
I just need light
I need light in the dark as I search for the resolution

And the bars are finally closed
So I try living in the moment
'Til the moment it just froze
And I felt sick and so alone
I can hear the sound
Of your voice still ringing in my ear
I'm going underground
But you'll find me anywhere I feel

That I'm alive
And I don't need a witness
To know that I survived
I'm not looking for forgiveness
I just need light
I need light in the dark as I search for the resolution
I need light in the dark as I search for the resolution
For the resolution...
For the resolution...

And you hold me down
Yeah you hold me down
I'm alive
And I don't need a witness
To know that I survived
I'm not looking for forgiveness.

I'm alive
And I don't need a witness
To know that I survived
I'm not looking for forgiveness
I just need light
I need light in the dark as I search for the resolution
I need light in the dark as I search for the resolution
I need light, I need light